Learn to say NO!

In a generation where people are looking for approval from anybody or everybody, saying the word no is a disgrace. From fmily members who are asking for too many favors, friends who expect way too much from you, strangers who seem to drain you of your kindness to just anybody you meet, name it, i've said yes to them in most ocassions.

But I've recently learned the art of saying no. Yes, it is indeed a secret art. It's supposed to be hidden so people may not think of you as an asshole or retard for speaking the dreaded word.

It's not my intention to be rude but I've been sincerely kind to people and I try to help them in whatever way I could. But looking back at my life, no one would help me when I needed one, even if I expressed clearly that I needed a helping hand. They've been used to seeing me doing the work for them and probably thought I can handle everything without their help. Sigh.

So, I tried learning from people who are so good at saying no--- the people I've been helping and doing favors for but aren't there when I need them. Yep, they started hating me. Hey, I don't exist to do things for them. ;-)

I'm not evil. I'm not rude. I just learned to respect myself more. I hate being a doormat.

People can be very abusive, even friends. Take this recent event as an example. I planned an outing to Tagaytay as a treat to my niece for being the top 1 of her class. A friend whom I have not seen for several years sent me a message on facebook to express his desire to join us. I said yes as he's become a part of our family. He said he does not enough money to bring something and I told him it's okay, just consider it a simple reunion. So everything is set. He knew the details, where we can pick him up as he's quite far from where i live, the time. He reminded me that he can't bring in anything. I said ok again. He found out i rented a van as I don't want to commute. Tagaytay is quite far. He said he can't share with the rent to the van. Again, I said that it's okay. Then I received a text message from him asking me if he could bring with his girlfriend, and two more friends with their kids. They wanted to share the fun. I thought about what I will reply. It is clear that the Tagaytay trip is a family get-together. I agreed to let him join as he's been like a family. I did not reply yet, still thinking of a reply to his text message.

I checked my facebook to chat with friends who's been to the place as I have some questions regarding the place. Lo and behold! On my news feed, I saw his status inviting friends who want to join him on a trip to Tagaytay. Several of his friends expressed desires to come with him as he guaranteed of a private van to take them to Tagaytay. The nerve!!!!

I was not mad at him. I was mad at his actions.

At that very moment, I sent him a reply. It was short and simple: Sorry, but no. It's a family gathering. You can come with us but not people who we don't know.

Was I rude? Maybe. But I believe it's the best response.

Yes, saying no can be quite difficult. It still bothers me whenever I say it. I still feel guilty. But, it still needs to be said sometimes.

Yes. Learn to say no. It is a liberating experience.

posted from Bloggeroid

help! it's too crowded!

for the past weeks, my silent world had been bombarded with noise. not the explosive type, but noise which comes from too many people talking all at the same time.

one may say: "you're a teacher. what's the fuss with the noise thingy? everyday, you face classes filled with talkative students. what's the difference?"

well, i may say a lot.

first, although a classroom is filled with noisy students, they do not speak in a normal speaking voice-they simply whisper. what i have now are people talking beyond their normal conversational voice.

second, i can control the situation. when the noise reaches my tolerable level, i tone down my class. i remind them of proper behavior in class, and they follow. how am i suppose to do that to a bunch of grown-up adults?

third, the noise is simply irritating, period. i'm not used to excessive noise AT HOME. in fact, home is a reliever for an all-day noise in school. with kids playing and running around the house, adults chatting (read: gossiping), more adults giving instructions on what to do and what not to do, males who are having a drinking session, and non-stop laughing and chatting, myh head's definitely hurting now. i feel dizzy now.

alright, this does not happen everyday. it's just that today is the 'pasiyam' of my mom. but it's still getting on my nerves.

don't get me wrong. i'm not an anti-social. it's fun to see relatives once in a while but it's the need for solitude which i miss at this point. i'm a very private person and whenever i see people getting in and out of the house (and even our rooms), i feel as if my privacy has been invaded.

i know this is just for today. and since it's for my mom's memory, i'll extend tolerance.

posted from Bloggeroid

help! it's too crowded!

for the past weeks, my silent world had been bombarded with noise. not the explosive type, but noise which comes from too many people talking all at the same time.

one may say: "you're a teacher. what's the fuss with the noise thingy? everyday, you face classes filled with talkative students. what's the difference?"

well, i may say a lot.

first, although a classroom is filled with noisy students, they do not speak in a normal speaking voice-they simply whisper. what i have now are people talking beyond their normal conversational voice.

second, i can control the situation. when the noise reaches my tolerable level, i tone down my class. i remind them of proper behavior in class, and they follow. how am i suppose to do that to a bunch of grown-up adults?

third, the noise is simply irritating, period. i'm not used to excessive noise AT HOME. in fact, home is a reliever for an all-day noise in school. with kids playing and running around the house, adults chatting (read: gossiping), more adults giving instructions on what to do and what not to do, males who are having a drinking session, and non-stop laughing and chatting, myh head's definitely hurting now. i feel dizzy now.

alright, this does not happen everyday. it's just that today is the 'pasiyam' of my mom. but it's still getting on my nerves.

don't get me wrong. i'm not an anti-social. it's fun to see relatives once in a while but it's the need for solitude which i miss at this point. i'm a very private person and whenever i see people getting in and out of the house (and even our rooms), i feel as if my privacy has been invaded.

i know this is just for today. and since it's for my mom's memory, i'll extend tolerance.

posted from Bloggeroid

friends lang kami

i admit, i have given this response a million times whenever people close to me see me with a guy. but hey, it's not like with those queens of denial showbiz personalities who deny everything. in fact, there were a gazillion moments when what i really wanted to say is: "uy, meet my boyfriend!" but no, i never reached that point.


why?

'cause i am the ever dependable, loyal, trustworthy and best friend for them.

sigh.

there was a moment when i wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and tell a "friend": "bakit siya ang gusto mung ligawan? bakit hindi na lang ako? mas mabait, matalino, maaasahan at *ehem* maganda naman ako sa kanya. BAKIT BESPREN KO PA? bakit AKO pa ang gusto mung MAGLAKAD sa 'yo sa kanya?!?!" but, oh well, all i can manage to say at that time was "yun lang ba? sure. malakas ka sa akin eh" what a coward.

i dreaded the day it'll happen again.


luckily, it didn't.

but the line "friends lang kami" keeps on coming back... haunting me., reminding me what a coward i have been.

i met him.

it was not like the previous one whom i had an argument on our first encounter. this new guy is more reserved, quiet, yet intriguing. there's something behind his hazel brown eyes.

first encounter. first meeting. we were introduced to each other by our team manager and were both about to sign our contract. i meekly said "hi," gave him a smile, and offered a handshake. as an acknowledgment to my friendly gesture, he looked at me and raised his right eyebrows.

what an ingrate!

now, you have to understand that i am not really the friendly type. in fact, i am so used to raising my eyebrows that it has become part of my identity. most men are intimidated by my sheer presence. but no, i have never committed that unforgivable sin of acknowledging a friendly gesture with a belittling stare and raising of the brows.

so i reverted to my usual personality and vowed never to speak or interact with him, and him alone.

revenge.

i don't know how or when and why but i just found myself talking with him, sharing a good laugh , verbally and physically hitting each other (he with the former, and i with the latter). we were undeniably and truly inseparable. you'll find me where he is and the same goes with him (except in inconvenient places like the washroom, of course!) we had a lot of things in common, but arguing is what we both enjoy. not that we can't settle our differences, but it's how we settle them. weird huh?!?

after months of being close with each other, the dreaded question then came: "kayo na ba?!?"


i only have a simple answer. i laughed and told them : "ano ba kayo, malisyoso kayo masyado. friends lang kami."

they didn't believe and i can't blame them. how can they not think that we're not more than friends when they witnessed how worried he was when i came to work one day with a fever? everyone in our team saw how he took care of me and how he sacrificed his breaks just to make sure he can look over me. he didn't even go home even if his apartment is just a walking distance from the office because he was making sure i get a full rest on the company's sleeping quarters and i get to drink the medicine on time? how can i say we're just friends when after his 3-day absence, what he did first upon seeing me is hugged me (the longest and tightest he gave me) and talked to nobody except me? was it really a simple friends lang kami when he gives me a hug on every opportunity he sees, and says "love ko talaga si ghie" everyday in front of our team mates?

maybe, there really was an "us". maybe, our hearts had a silent agreement. maybe, i was just to blind to see it, too numb to feel it, or too afraid to get hurt again because of an assumption that a man likes me.

so, i am stuck with the line "friends lang kami"

posted from Bloggeroid